USS Coral Sea Tribute Site CV/CVB/CVA-43		Solemns Warning

This was procured by Moe Wadle while on an extended deployment on USS Coral Sea to WestPac in 1965. Copies of it were being passed around. This, in my experience in the Navy, was typical of humorous things that a sailor or sailors created for a little fun. The author is unknown.

ISSUED IN SOLEMN WARNING THIS ______DAY OF________OF 1965

Very soon the hulk of what was once a proud man will again be in your midst; uncivilized, demoralized, and dehydrated; ready once more to take his place as a human being engaged in the somewhat delayed pursuit of happiness.

In making your joyous preparations to welcome him back into a respectable society you must make allowances for the crude environment in which he has suffered for the past months. In a word, he may be slightly stir crazy, suffering from advanced stages of claustrophobia having been encased in rusted, gray steel for extended periods of time or from serving in an all male crew consisting of dirty old men.

Above all, remember to show no alarm if he prefers to leave all lights on, pads around the house in thong sandals and towel, lines everyone up in the kitchen for dinner, and refuses to sit down unless a bell is rung four times. Don't be surprised if he answers all questions with , "I hate this cast iron bitch." Or, "You're shittin' me!" Be ye tolerant when he dumps the trash off the back porch including cans, picks up his feet 12 inches and lowers his head 6 inches when passing through doorways, alternately leans 15 degrees to the right and left when walking , asks a stranger on the street what the exchange rate is for ten green, hungerly stares with his nose pressed against the glass of every liquor store he passes, occasionally sunbathes on or beside an airport runway, puts the household on report for using water over 90 seconds in the shower, tucks pant legs in socks, dons a mixing bowl and runs out of the house muttering something about GQ whenever sirens and whistles are heard, states that the smoking lamp is out whenever filling his lighter, and refuses to sleep in a bed without side rails.

Any of the following sights should be avoided since they can only produce an advanced state of shock: people dancing, television, and "round-eye" women. In a short period of time his profanity will decrease enough to permit him to associate with mixed groups and he will soon speak English as well as he ever did. Make no flattering remarks about Exotic Asia, avoid mentioning the benefits of overseas duty, ships, boats, or anything related to the sea, or seasonal weather. Under no circumstances should he be told that he is going to a pleasant place then told otherwise as it may trigger an awesome display of violence.

For the first few months you should be especially watchful when he is in the company of women, particularly young beautiful specimens. The few American girls he may have seen overseas are either 13 years old or married to personnel who outrank him. Therefore, his first reaction upon meeting a "round-eye" may be to stare in awe. Wives and sweethearts are advised to take advantage of this momentary shock and move the young lady out of reach.

Keep in mind that beneath his tanned and rugged exterior beats a heart of gold. Treasure this for it is the only thing of value he has left. Treat him with kindness, tolerance, and an occasional fifth of good booze and you will be able to rehabilitate this hollow shell of the man you once knew.

Send no more letters to __________ c/o Fleet Post Office, San Francisco, California after _________for he is leaving the tropics and heading for the land of the big PX.